


For When it Counts

by Fluffifullness



Category: Free!
Genre: Awkwardness, Fluff, Glasses, Love Confessions, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-08
Updated: 2013-10-08
Packaged: 2017-12-28 21:07:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,895
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/996715
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fluffifullness/pseuds/Fluffifullness
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“I’m – great – fine. Um,” Rei swallows thickly, “they look good on you.”</p><p>Nagisa’s slight frown turns immediately into a beam. He laughs. “Good!” he decides, as if Rei’s just proved himself entirely healthy, after all.</p>
            </blockquote>





	For When it Counts

The first sign of Nagisa-kun’s impending arrival is the uneven beat of his shoes on the pavement far behind Rei.

Rei impulsively responds by straightening up so that he’s standing at his full height – one hundred seventy-seven and a half centimeters, plus another three or four to account for the addition of his shoes. Of course, he doesn’t need to turn around to know that it’s Nagisa who’s approaching him; he’s seen and heard lots of people rushing to catch departing trains, but Nagisa’s sound has always had a unique quality to it.

(It’s awkward, mostly, but it’s also lighter and quicker than most people’s and it never fails to remind Rei of the penguins his classmate seems to like so much.)

He anticipates Nagisa’s loud show of recognition now just as much as he’s been anticipating the cacophony of his (always late) footsteps for twenty minutes already. The note of familiarity usually gets the day off to a comfortable start, but at the moment it does little to soothe Rei’s nerves.

He’s still trying to focus all of his concentration on Nagisa-kun as a penguin, Nagisa-kun as a cute – no – as – _harmless,_ maybe – when he’s brought up short and sudden by the greeting he’s been waiting (or failing to wait) for.

“Rei-chan!”

“Ah –”

Rei curses inwardly. His response to that was supposed to have been one of the most important parts, after all, but by the time he recovers sufficiently from the immediate consternation, it’s already entirely too late to correct his mistake.

Nagisa is standing right beside him, leaning close with his bright eyes fixed on Rei’s face and his arms locked behind his back. His hair is a mess, like maybe he didn’t set his alarm early enough to brush it out this morning. He’s smiling wide, curious – a little confused – and very likely ready to tease Rei for his strange behavior.

The fact that _those_ are the first things Rei notices only serves as more proof of his own disorganized state of mind.

_Nagisa is wearing glasses._

Rei blinks once and takes a quick step back to verify, and it’s only as soon as he’s sure he’s seen it right that Nagisa decides to chime in again. “What do you think? I thought about getting the same color as you, but the pink ones were kind of nice, too…”

He pauses for a moment to search Rei’s face for additional reaction. There must not be any, though, because he finally returns to grinning wide and finishes with, “Well, pink and red are pretty close, anyway.”

“Pink and – Nagisa-kun, you couldn’t possibly –”

“Yup!” Nagisa sing-songs. “I thought it’d be fun to match with Rei-chan every now and then!”

Rei’s sure that his cheeks are turning the same shade of pink as Nagisa’s new accessory, but he’s not about to make the situation any more awkward than it has to be by acknowledging that. He pretends not to have noticed how much warmer the station’s just gotten, instead opting for a weak attempt at casual conversation.

“Ah – um – Nagisa-kun…”

Nagisa closes most of the distance between them again as he cocks his head to one side. “What is it?”

“Th-the train should be here any minute now!” Rei blurts before turning clumsily away to scan the (still empty) tracks. He refuses to look back at Nagisa, but he’s sure without needing to that his friend is watching him with a mix of growing concern and amusement.

“Is Rei-chan not feeling well?” he hears. Nagisa’s voice is still loud, but for him it might as well be muted in an awkward – but characteristically kind – attempt at fending off an encroaching headache or something similar.

Taking a deep breath, Rei collects himself once more and nods stiffly. He continues to stare out at the motionless speck that will hopefully go from shapeless blob to full-sized train sooner rather than later – that is, until Nagisa reaches up to pull at the sleeve of his uniform.

In an instant, Rei’s attention returns to dwell entirely on his friend, who even then refuses to let go of the soft, dark fabric. Rei makes no move to force him to.

“I’m – great – fine. Um,” Rei swallows thickly, “they look good on you.”

Nagisa’s slight frown turns immediately into a beam. He laughs. “Good!” he decides, as if Rei’s just proved himself entirely healthy, after all.

Rei smiles in spite of himself. It’s not the first day he’s failed to come out and say what he’s sure it’s only right to say, but for the moment he’d rather not worry about how he’s going to rewrite his mental script yet another time. The planning and the periodical anxiety of waiting to jump are wearing on him already, and he’s only been at it for two weeks now. With the pressure temporarily alleviated, he’d much rather enjoy a perfectly average friendship on a perfectly average day.

The glasses, he decides, could even turn out to be a small bonus. He doesn’t mind appreciating them from a distance, and he tells himself that Nagisa-kun probably wouldn’t mind, either.

Just as long as they don’t attract a lot of attention, he worries –

“Hey, Rei-chan – d’you think anyone will mistake us for twins now?”

Rei frowns and reflexively adjusts his own glasses. “We don’t look anything alike.”

“Are you sure about that?” Nagisa wonders, and Rei recognizes the mischievous note in his voice too late; his glasses are already being plucked from his face. In the next moment, Nagisa’s standing on the very tips of his toes in an attempt to reach the top of Rei’s head – to run his hands through his hair, apparently, and Rei’s been caught much too far off guard to resist before his hair is as thoroughly disheveled as Nagisa’s.

“N-Nagisa-kun –!”

“There – just like twins,” Nagisa laughs.

Rei accepts his glasses when Nagisa holds them out for him, sighs as he slips them on and then mutters a small reprimand under his breath. He’s not mad, though – maybe slightly annoyed, but that’s normal enough whenever Nagisa decides to tease him like this. It’s their kind of average.

And besides – Nagisa seems to be enjoying himself, so maybe it doesn’t matter so much that Rei’s hair is now sticking up at odd angles. Nagisa’s looks the same, anyway, so the chance that it will be noticed by many people should be somewhat less –

“Ah – the train’s here already! Rei-chan, come on, we’ll miss it if you keep standing there like that!”

They’re both buffeted by the sheer force of wind as the train passes and then slows to a stop before them, and as Rei begins to collect his thoughts he sees that Nagisa’s already standing on the other side of the door, grinning at Rei with his hand extended in invitation.

Rei hesitates, considers feigning confusion and taking that hand as though it were meant to guide him – but instead of that, he simply returns the smile, slips past and then pauses to stand beside Nagisa. There are a few seats open here and there in the car they’ve chosen, but no two are actually together. Rei considers suggesting that they each find someplace to sit, anyway, but a quick glance at Nagisa tells him that there’s no point; his friend is already lying his bag down at his feet – “It’s so heavy, though,” he complains sheepishly when Rei chides him for putting himself at a heightened risk of robbery – and that’s the end of that.

Of course, Nagisa-kun isn’t the type who relishes quiet, so the near-silence that follows is short and his eventual interruption is predictably noisy. (He never worries about others overhearing him. He doesn’t imagine them thinking badly of him, not like Rei does.)

“Did you talk to Mako-chan last night?”

Rei nods. “He said not to worry about it, but isn’t it a bit strange?”

Nagisa looks pensive for only a moment before he shakes his head and shrugs. His glasses slip down just slightly on the bridge of his nose; Rei has to resist the urge to fix them himself.

“We’ve been practicing so much lately, I bet he just wants to give everyone a break.” And, in a joking aside, he adds, “Haru-chan might go anyway, though.”

“Practice or no practice,” Rei sighs, “we should support Haruka-sempai if he’s going to train even on a day off.”

Nagisa’s smile turns halfway to a frown before he straightens up and says, “Actually, Rei-chan…”

The train takes a relatively sharp turn at that moment, effectively knocking the two of them together. Rei stumbles back, first, but a second shift brings him closer to Nagisa, who winds up pressed close to Rei’s chest with his eyes blown wide, watching Rei and Rei blushes harder with every passing moment of proximity.

He must be mistaken, of course, but it almost seems like Nagisa lingers there for several moments longer than he absolutely has to.

When he does pull away, his cheeks are a little brighter – probably just because he was caught by surprise, Rei assures himself, and actually the train is crowded enough this morning that it’s almost uncomfortably warm, as well. Nagisa smiles and shuffles his feet slightly, but the movement’s not quite enough to bring him as far away from Rei as he’d been before.

“I was gonna say,” he begins, and then his eyes seem to sparkle as he leans close to ask much more quietly, “I could use some help in a few of our classes. Come study with me?”

Rei frowns. It’s not the first time Nagisa’s asked him to act as a kind of unofficial tutor, but it _is_ the first time he’s made so big a deal of it. He wonders if maybe Nagisa’s problems with the regular schoolwork are a touch more serious than they usually are, but when he thinks back on it he’s sure that his friend’s grades have all been pretty close to average for him lately.

(It’s not that he asks Nagisa-kun for his scores, of course; the blonde always volunteers them, anyway, and Rei generally returns the favor – though in his case it helps that he has nothing to hide.)

“Oh,” Rei says dumbly, realizing a little late that he’s been staring into Nagisa’s eyes for too many long moments already. “I don’t mind…”

“Great!” Nagisa chirps, looking relieved. “Thanks, Rei-chan!”

“Can I ask what it is that you need help with?” Rei wonders with yet another small smile. He can’t keep looking away from Nagisa unless he wants to come off as grossly impolite, so for the time being he chooses to focus on a few tufts of blonde that are sticking out at especially extreme angles.

“Oh,” Nagisa echoes Rei’s earlier comment. “Um…”

His gaze shifts briefly to the right and he half-shakes his head before finishing, “Math, mostly.”

Rei’s eyebrow quirks up, but he doesn’t say anything about the obvious lie. He’s known for a while that Nagisa-kun can’t fool most people to save his life; he’s not the deceptive type, after all – and neither, Rei’s sure, is he – but he also seems to enjoy seeing people smile so much that he can’t help trying to create surprises for them whenever the opportunity presents itself.

It takes him a moment to realize that that could easily be what _this_ is about, too.

 

**~*~**

 

Rei makes sure to smooth his hair back down before joining Nagisa on his way into the school building. It was fine on the train, but in an environment close enough to guarantee that everyone knows everyone else – for the most part, anyway – he figures it’s better not to attract more attention than Nagisa’s glasses are already sure to.

The majority of that morning passes in sort of a blur. Rei’s not entirely sure which of them is following who and which is supposed to be making his solitary way to class, but the end result is that they arrive together to subsequently fend off any number of questions from their classmates.

“Huh? Did you always wear glasses?”

“Did you guys coordinate on purpose?”

“Hazuki, hey – ‘d you always need those, or what?”

“They’re probably dummy lenses,” one girl whispers knowingly to her friend. “You know, just to wear for fun.”

Nagisa doesn’t confirm that either way, but it occurs to Rei that he has yet to verify that the glasses are really just a one-day thing – not because he has any problem with it if they aren’t, of course, but because it’s only right to make sure. He should show the proper amount of concern for his friend’s well-being, which is why he finally clears his throat and speaks for the first time in the midst of girls giggling and guys joking and talking around them.

“Your eyes,” he half-stutters, probably extra awkward in his attempt to keep his voice whispery-low. “They _are_ fine, aren’t they?”

“Hm? Oh – yeah.” Nagisa smiles up at Rei, who returns the gesture perplexedly. Nagisa misinterprets it as something like exhaustion, though, and his own smile turns apologetic. “I didn’t know they’d attract this much attention. Does it bother you?”

“No,” Rei reassures him too quickly. Mentally reminding himself to calm down, he adds that he’s glad to hear it and then attempts to follow that up with something lighthearted. “You’ll probably get tired of wearing them after a while,” he suggests. “Th-they tend to slip down a lot, so you’ll have to fix them constantly –”

Nagisa laughs aloud. “I know,” he says. “I even practiced!”

He proceeds to imitate Rei’s familiar mannerism; with his thumb on one side and his pointer finger on the other, he shifts the glasses up with one smooth motion – _and it’s funny,_ really,because it _does_ seem like he’s practiced, lots of times, like he’s used to it and the way it looks and feels and Rei feels his chest tighten in response to that and the almost-but-not-quite serious look Nagisa is trying hard to hold on his face.

He can’t help wondering what Nagisa-kun was thinking, trying that again and again in front of a mirror – looking like Rei-chan.

 

**~*~**

 

The rhythm of Nagisa’s feet on the pavement is a little different on the way back from school.

Having already left the train station and school crowds behind them, the two are maybe a bit more energetic – Nagisa more so than Rei, who’s starting to have a hard time keeping up with this new Nagisa that apparently feels a new and persistent need to toe the line between teasing and flirting with him at every turn.

He’s following Nagisa-kun, this time, so for now it’s him watching the blonde’s back and not the other way around. Now, there’s a visual accompaniment to every sound the blonde makes.

The less hurried, deliriously bouncy scrapes and light thumps of his skipping along. The looks he gives Rei every time he tells him to hurry up – “The sooner we get started, the sooner we can stop and goof off,” he encourages, and Rei sighs exasperatedly. He’d already had his doubts about Nagisa’s real intentions, of course, but the uncertainty beyond that is fairly unsettling.

“Wasn’t this supposed to be a proper study session?” he wonders aloud.

“Maybe,” Nagisa grants, “but if Rei-chan spends the night, we’ll have plenty of time to get to that later.”

“I – I never agreed to that!” he protests just a little too sharply.

Nagisa makes a show of looking as disappointed as possible. Rei should be well-accustomed and impervious to things like that by now, but the ‘should’ doesn’t stop the twinge of guilt that starts small in his chest and quickly swells to an eager desire to please.

Hating his lack of resolve, he sighs and mutters a reluctant “Fine.” Nagisa brightens instantly, of course, and of course Rei reciprocates the grateful smile with a shy one of his own.

He’s all but forgotten the acute stress of the early morning, the teenaged awkwardness, reluctant sense of justice and fruitless hope. Being with Nagisa-kun is exhausting, sure, but the blonde also has a way about him that rarely fails to quell unhappy feelings as though they were no stronger than a common cold. Even carried away by the endless tide of his friend’s enthusiasm, Rei has to acknowledge that that’s better than _nothing._

That, though – that might be precisely what he’s afraid of.

 

**~*~**

Nagisa-kun’s home is conspicuously empty when the two of them arrive – side-by-side and enjoying aimless conversation, Nagisa-kun having slowed down “to keep Rei-chan company.” There are a few lights on inside, at least, so Rei initially concludes that his friend’s parents have only stepped out for a few moments, that they’ll certainly be back any minute now – but, of course, he’s entirely mistaken.

They remove their shoes in relative quiet, but Nagisa breaks tradition by not being the first to step into the hallway beyond the front entrance. Rei’s let himself slip back into an abstracted run-through of what to say and when – how to break it to Nagisa gently, to make his feelings seem more casual than they are without outright lying. How to break the ice without shattering it.

He’s paying very little attention to his surroundings, so it’s only natural that he fails to notice Nagisa hanging back until the blonde gives him a reason to stop.

He shuffles his feet, first, clears his throat in an official-sounding manner and adopts as serious an expression as he’s likely capable of wearing. When he call’s Rei’s name, his voice is well and truly soft.

“Nagisa-kun?” Rei turns. “Are you alright? Your face is kind of pale…”

The blonde’s eyes widen slightly, and he lowers his head to stare at his feet. “I’m okay,” he promises, and then he looks back up at Rei with a sheepish smile. “Sorry, I might’ve forgotten to mention this. My parents are away for a few days, so it’s just gonna be Rei-chan and me.”

“Wh –”

“It’s okay, though!” Nagisa interrupts with his hands extended far in front of him, palms held up to forestall Rei’s response. “We can order pizza, and the quiet will make studying easier. Okay?” He seems to be genuinely worried that Rei will decide not to stay, after all; that’s hardly about to happen, but Rei still continues to frown slightly.

“You _didn’t_ forget, though, did you?”

Nagisa’s face flushes; he lowers his hands to his sides and then raises them to fidget with either side of his glasses’ frames.

“Well,” he pouts, “it’s not like I didn’t have a reason to…”

Rei comes closer and, for the first time all day, takes Nagisa’s hand in his own – this time just to move it away from the delicate plastic-metal arm. “You’ll break them if you play around with that part,” he sighs. He’s careful to sound only half like he’s really irritated; the other half, he supposes, must be more fond than anything else.

“Yeah…”

“And?” Rei wonders. He has to focus most of his attention on a strangely-patterned bit of wood on the ceiling just to stay calm as he says it. “What do you mean?”

He can hear Nagisa’s smile in his voice, but it takes him a moment to realize that the blonde’s laced their fingers tighter together between them.

“Being stuck in a quiet house is lonely,” he explains. “I won’t have to worry about that with Rei-chan here.”

“You say that, but couldn’t we have at least gone to join the others at practice, then? If you’d just explained things, it’s still likely that I would have agreed to spend the night…”

“Yeah, but… Rei-chan.”

“What is it?”

“I wanted it to just be the two of us.”

Rei scrunches up his eyebrows, doesn’t even worry that it’s not particularly beautiful or proper of him. (Not much _has_ been, not lately.) He looks directly at Nagisa again, and maybe he’s not completely surprised by the changing tone of Nagisa’s smile – not shy or embarrassed but teasing – playful, almost mischievous.

“Why would you want that?”

He has to work hard at not hoping, not expecting anything unfair of his friend. The way things are going, he’s tempted to do just that, but he knows how deeply improbable it still is and he’s no more interested in enduring disappointment than anyone else would be.

“You’ve been acting so weird lately, I was kind of worried,” Nagisa explains, and okay – that’s reasonable, maybe even something Rei should’ve expected. “But then you responded just like I thought you would – with the glasses and everything, I mean.”

Rei’s head is suddenly spinning. “What – glasses?”

Nagisa laughs. “Do you really think I look good in them, Rei-chan?”

“That’s not – that’s not the point,” Rei says weakly. “Please try to explain yourself better, Nagisa-kun…!”

“I _am,”_ Nagisa retorts with a frustrated pout. “I was gonna wait to, but you seemed like you were really upset, and you were already nervous, anyway…”

“N-nervous – no – I – I’m fine –!”

Nagisa shakes his head. “Are not. I wanted to give you a better chance to tell me you like me. Rei-chan always thinks too hard, so I thought something like this would make it easier.”

Rei feels his stomach roll over. His hand is clammy and cold against Nagisa’s, and he’s fairly certain that his previous blush has drained to a colorless pallor in less than a second following Nagisa-kun’s easy declaration. It wasn’t supposed to go like that, he was supposed to confess it all properly, to make things easier on his friend. He wanted to feel like he’d resolved it himself –

“It’s okay, it’s okay. You don’t have to make that scary face, Rei-chan. You can still say it now if you want.”

Rei blinks quickly to hold back the tears that are threatening. “But you don’t… feel the same way?”

“Me? Oh,” Nagisa leans close and presses his forehead to Rei’s chest. “I _definitely_ like Rei-chan, too.”

 _Impossible,_ he thinks, but right on the heels of that is the clarity of knowing that Nagisa-kun isn’t the type of person who would intentionally hurt his friends after going this far out of his way on their account.

He _trusts_ him, _wants_ to trust him…

Breathless, Rei closes his eyes and dares to drape his arms around Nagisa-kun’s slight form. “I – I think I might be interested in a more intimate relationship.” He takes a quick breath, then corrects himself. “I mean – ah – I like you, too, Nagisa-kun. And…”

Nagisa cheerfully meets Rei the rest of way, hugging him back with his arms taut about the taller boy’s waist. “And?”

“Whose idea was today’s practice…?”

Nagisa shrugs. “I asked Mako-chan to cancel just one day. He wasn’t sure, but you know – I wasn’t the only one who’d noticed how off Rei-chan’s been lately.”

Rei allows himself to be just a little impressed. “I – I thought you were a terrible liar.”

Nagisa leans back to give him a little wink. His glasses have fallen forward again, but this time Rei finds the resolve to fix them for him. His thumb nudging them up Nagisa’s cheek – soft, warm, how many times has he wished he could try touching him like this _just once?_ – must tickle, because the blonde’s eyes flutter closed for just a moment before he opens them again to answer.

“Not always, Rei-chan.”


End file.
